>> MS. McKRACKEN, TELL US--
>> IT´S NOT McKRACKEN.
IT´S CAROL. McKRACKEN IS
SOMETHING I JUST USE FOR LEGAL
STUFF--DIVORCE PAPERS,
BANKRUPTCY NOTICE, THAT SORT OF
THING.
>> AND CAROL IS YOUR MAIDEN
NAME.
>> NO. MY PROFESSIONAL NAME.
AS IN CHRISTMAS CAROL.
I MANAGE THE DECK THE HALLS
STORE IN RESEDA, SPREADING
CHEER THROUGHOUT THE YEAR WITH
THE WIDEST ASSORTMENT OF
CHRISTMAS DECORATIONS SOUTH OF
THE NORTH POLE. OH, AND THESE
ARE THE SPIRITS OF CHRISTMAS.
>> SOMEBODY HAVE A LITTLE TOO
MUCH EGGNOG AND CRASHED THE
SLEIGH?
>> NO. WE DON´T DRINK AND DRIVE.
WE STROLL AND SING.
>> ♫ HARK HOW THE BELLS
SWEET SILVER BELLS
ALL SEEM TO SAY,
THROW CARES AWAY
CHRISTMAS IS HERE
BRINGING GOOD CHEER ♫
>> YOU´RE PROFESSIONAL CAROLERS.
>> WE´RE ALL PROUD MEMBERS OF
THE SCREEN ACTORS GUILD, ON
HONORARY WITHDRAWAL.
DECK THE HALLS KEEPS US IN BREAD
PUDDING YEAR ROUND SO THAT WE
CAN GIVE THE GIFT OF LIVE MUSIC
FOR FREE. THAT´S WHAT WE WERE
TRYING TO DO BEFORE OUR TRIP
TO VENICE.
>> OH, YOUR GROUP PERFORMED
IN ITALY?
>> CALIFORNIA.
THERE WE WERE IN OUR RED HATS
AND SCARVES...
[WOMEN HUMMING]
SINGING A WINTER WONDERLAND
WATCHING THE SUNSET ON THE BEACH
WHEN A TATTOOED MAN IN BLUE
APPROACHED AND ADVISED US THAT
WE WERE IN CRIP TERRITORY.
WELL, I HAPPEN TO SPEAK CRIP,
SO I TOLD HIM, "CHILL. WE WERE
FRIENDLIES." BUT THEN 5 MEN IN
BLUE APPROACHED AND ASKED IF THE
RED SCARVES MEANT THAT WE WERE
SENT BY THE BLOODS TO DISS THEM.
I SAID FO-SHIZZLE, WE WERE
JUST SPREADING THE WORD AND
PLEASE NOT GET UP IN OUR GRILLS.
THEN I REACHED FOR MY
PITCH-PIPE--
>> THEY BEAT THE CRAP OUT OF
YOU.
>> MAYBE THEY WEREN´T
MUSIC LOVERS.
>> HOW DID YOU ESCAPE UNHARMED?
>> I TOOK THEIR ADVICE AND
HAULED MY CRACKER ASS OUT OF
THERE.
>> MS. CAROL, DOES YOUR STATUS
AT THE SCREEN ACTOR´S GUILD
ENTITLE YOU TO ACCIDENT
INSURANCE?
>> NO. THAT´S WHY WE´RE HERE.
>> WE SAW A NOTICE ON THE SAG
BULLETIN BOARD FOR THE HEDDA
GRUBMAN COSMETIC SURGERY FUND.
>> FOR ALL FOUR SURGERIES?
>> IN RETURN FOR YOUR SERVICES,
WE´RE PREPARED TO RENDER OURS.
>> YOU WANT TO SING
FOR YOUR SURGERIES?
>> NOT JUST SING. "DECK THE
HALLS." WE WILL OPEN OUR STORE
ROOM TO YOU.
MCNAMARA/TROY WILL BE TURNED
INTO A WINTER WONDERLAND WITH
LIVE MUSIC COURTESY OF "THE
SPIRITS."
>> MRS. GRUBMAN DID LOVE
CHRISTMAS.
>> ♫ MAKE ME BEAUTIFUL
MAKE ME
THE PERFECT SOUL
A PERFECT LIFE
A PERFECT FACE
A PERFECT LIE ♫
>> SEAN, REALLY. WHAT ARE WE, 5?
>> OH, COME ON. WE´VE BEEN DOING
SECRET SANTA SINCE COLLEGE.
IT´S A HOLIDAY TRADITION.
>> SO´S MINCE MEAT, WHATEVER
THE HELL THAT IS.
>> WELL, I THINK IT´S SWEET.
I MEAN, IT´S NICE TO HAVE SOME
SORT OF A TRADITION,
ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU CELEBRATE
CHRISTMAS EVERY YEAR
IN A BATHING SUIT AND SUNBLOCK.
>> THINK OF IT AS A CHALLENGE
FINDING SOMETHING ORIGINAL AND
MEANINGFUL FOR UNDER $10.
>> GOOD. SO, YOU WON´T MIND
ANOTHER "PULL MY FINGER SANTA?"
>> LOOK--WE HAVEN´T ALL BEEN
TOGETHER ON CHRISTMAS IN A LONG
TIME. MAYBE IT IS STUPID, BUT I
WANT TO DO IT, OK? I WANT TO DO
THE TREE, THE BIG TURKEY DINNER.
IF WE CAN´T TAKE THE TIME TO
CELEBRATE BEING TOGETHER AS A
FAMILY WHEN WE ARE, WE´RE GOING
TO REGRET IT WHEN WE´RE NOT.
>> ALL RIGHT. LET´S DO IT.
>> IF YOU GET YOUR OWN NAME,
WE THROW THEM ALL BACK AND WE
TRY AGAIN.
>> YES, YES.
[PHONE RINGS]
>> HELLO.
HOW BAD?
UM, WE´RE ON OUR WAY.
MATT´S IN THE HOSPITAL.
>> HE´S GOT SECOND DEGREE BURNS
OVER 30 PERCENT OF HIS BODY,
MOSTLY BACK AND LEGS. WE HAD TO
WAIT FOR HIS VITALS TO STABILIZE
IN THE E.R. BEFORE TRANSFERRING
HIM OVER HERE.
>> HONEY, CAN YOU HEAR ME?
EVERYTHING´S GOING TO BE
ALL RIGHT.
>> PULSE IS 160...
>> HANG IN THERE, BUDDY.
>> HE´LL NEED EXCISION AND
GRAFTING.
>> WE´LL DO IT.
>> FINE. WE´LL JUST PREP HIM AND
CHECK YOUR PRIVILEGES.
>> MY GOD, I JUST DON´T
UNDERSTAND HOW THIS COULD HAVE
HAPPENED.
>> METHAMPHETAMINE LAB
EXPLOSION. EXCUSE ME.
>> METH LAB EXPLOSION?
>> WE THOUGHT HE WAS CLEAN.
>> AND YOU DIDN´T TELL ME?
>> HE TOLD US IT WAS OVER.
THAT HE´D GOTTEN HELP AND
HAD IT UNDER CONTROL.
>> HE ASKED US TO TRUST HIM,
JULIA.
>> WE´LL BE BACK WHEN WE´RE
FINISHED.
>> PAGING DR. DAVIES, PLEASE.
>> HE´S LUCKY TO BE ALIVE.
WE HAVE TO FOCUS ON THAT.
I´M ANGRY AT HIM, TOO, YOU
KNOW?
>> HOW ARE YOU FEELING, SWEETIE?
>> THE SURGERY WENT WELL.
WE HAD TO DO SOME GRAFTING.
WE TOOK SOME SKIN FROM YOUR ASS.
YOU KNOW, THE PLACE WHERE YOU
KEEP YOUR BRAINS?
>> THANK YOU.
>> THEY SAID YOU WERE LUCKY.
THAT YOU COULD HAVE BEEN KILLED.
HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO
YOURSELF? I JUST DON´T
UNDERSTAND.
>> IN THE AMBULANCE I HEARD
THEM. THEY DIDN´T THINK I WAS
GOING TO MAKE IT.
AND ALL I COULD THINK ABOUT WAS
JENNA, ABOUT LEAVING MY BABY.
DON´T GIVE UP ON ME, OK?
>> NO ONE´S GIVING UP ON YOU.
WE´RE YOUR FAMILY. YOU´LL BE OUT
IN TIME FOR CHRISTMAS. AND WE´LL
ALL BE TOGETHER.
>> NO, WE WON´T.
YOU´RE NOT INVITED.
YOUR PROMISES ARE SHIT, MAN.
I´M DONE SAVING YOUR ASS.
I´M DONE BEING SUCKED IN BY YOUR
LIES, YOUR PATHETIC CRIES FOR
HELP. YOU KNOW WHAT IT´S LIKE TO
BE A PARENT--PEELING SKIN AWAY
FROM THE BODY OF YOUR OWN CHILD?
THE CHILD YOU DELIVERED WITH
YOUR OWN HANDS? I´M THROUGH!
>> DON´T WORRY. HE´LL COME
AROUND. I´LL TALK TO HIM.
>> THE BULLET ENTERED AT
A STRANGE ANGLE. WHOEVER DID
THIS MUST HAVE BEEN UP PRETTY
CLOSE.
>> HE WAS SITTING ON MY LAP.
>> OH, SO THIS WAS A LOVER´S
QUARREL.
>> WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
IT WAS A KID, 9 OR 10 YEARS OLD.
>> SORRY. I THOUGHT THAT--
>> LOOK, I NEEDED SOME EXTRA
CASH LAST CHRISTMAS, SO I TOOK
A GIG PLAYING SANTA.
>> MERRY CHRISTMAS, JACOB.
I HAD A LINE A MILE LONG.
THE STORE WAS GOING TO CLOSE IN
A HALF HOUR.
FROM THE MINUTE HE CLIMBED THOSE
STEPS, I KNEW SOMETHING WAS
WRONG. THINKING BACK, IT WAS
LIKE HE WAS ON A MISSION OR
SOMETHING.
I ASKED HIM WHAT HE WANTED FOR
CHRISTMAS.
>> SAME AS LAST YEAR. DON´T YOU
REMEMBER? EVERY CHRISTMAS I GIVE
YOU A LIST--A NINTENDO, AN iPOD,
A DIGITAL CAMERA. AND EVERY TIME
YOU TELL ME YOU´LL GET ME THAT
STUFF, IF I´M GOOD.
YEAH, RIGHT. BEING GOOD DOESN´T
GET YOU ANYTHING, DOES IT?
YOU LYING SACK OF CHRISTMAS
SHIT.
>> THEY SHOT SANTA!
[KIDS SCREAMING]
>> DID THEY CATCH THE KID?
>> YEAH. BUT I DIDN´T PRESS
CHARGES. I MEAN, THE KID´S HAD
IT TOUGH ENOUGH.
WHY MAKE IT WORSE?
>> WELL, THAT´S VERY MAGNANIMOUS
OF YOU, MR. COLLINS.
I´M NOT SURE MANY PEOPLE WOULD
HAVE RESPONDED QUITE THAT WAY.
WE´D HAVE TO REOPEN THE WOUND,
CLEAN THE SCARRING AND DAMAGED
TISSUE, AND THEN CREATE
SOMETHING CALLED A "LIMBERG
FLAP," WHICH WE´D ROTATE ONTO
THE ENLARGED HOLE. I COULD
SCHEDULE YOU FOR SOMETIME
AFTER THE--
>> NO. I WANT IT DONE NOW.
I WANT TO BE OUT IN TIME TO BE
SANTA ON CHRISTMAS EVE.
LOOK, DOC, I´VE SPENT A YEAR
NERVOUS AROUND KIDS, YOU KNOW?
IT´S LIKE POST-TRAUMATIC STRESS
SYNDROME. I´VE GOT TO GET BACK
ON THE REINDEER. I LIKE KIDS.
I DON´T WANT TO SPEND MY LIFE
AFRAID OF THEM, HAVE THEM AFRAID
OF ME.
>> MMM...I TALKED TO SEAN
ABOUT MATT. HE´LL COME AROUND.
>> THIS DOESN´T FEEL RIGHT--
SNEAKING AROUND.
>> THAT´S WHY WE SHOULD TELL
HIM. JUST BE HONEST ABOUT IT.
>> I´M GOING TO WAIT ´TILL AFTER
THE HOLIDAYS. IT WAS GOING TO BE
HARD ENOUGH THIS YEAR WITH
EVERYTHING GOING ON WITH MATT.
IT´D JUST BE CRUEL.
>> WHAT ABOUT OLIVIA?
YOU HAVE TO TELL HER, TOO.
>> NO. SHE HAS TOO MUCH GOING ON
WITH EDEN. I WANT TO WAIT ´TILL
AFTER THE HOLIDAYS. PLEASE.
IT´S IMPORTANT TO ME.
[DOOR OPENS]
>> SHIT!
JESUS!
>> I THOUGHT YOU SAID HE WAS IN
SURGERY ALL AFTERNOON.
>> SOMEONE MUST HAVE CANCELED.
>> HELLO.
>> I´M NOT GETTING IN THAT
CLOSET.
>> CHRISTIAN. CHRISTIAN?
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
>> JUST WORKING OUT. I ALWAYS DO
THIS AFTER I MASTURBATE.
MAKE SURE I HIT ALL THE MUSCLE
GROUPS.
>> I THOUGHT WE´D GO GET A TREE
TOGETHER. I FOUND THIS GREAT
ORGANIC TREE FARM DOWN ON THIRD.
THEY´VE GOT DOUGLAS FIRS AND
COLORADO BLUE SPRUCE--
>> SEAN, SEAN, SEAN!
YOU DON´T EXPECT ME TO WORK OUT
IN FRONT OF THE MIRROR AND NOT
WANT TO WHACK OFF AGAIN.
>> YOU´RE SICK.
>> AH...WHOA.
YOU GO BY YOURSELF.
I CAN TAKE ALL NIGHT.
I NEED A LOT OF FOREPLAY.
>> I´LL WAIT. I´M NOT DUE BACK
IN SURGERY FOR A COUPLE OF
HOURS.
>> CAN I GET YOU SOME WATER OR
SOMETHING?
>> GET HIM OUT OF HERE.
I´M NOT GOOD IN SMALL, DARK
SPACES. I FEEL LIKE I´M IN
A SEALED COFFIN.
>> CHRISTIAN!
ARE YOU DONE?
>> OH, YOU GO, MAN. I JUST WANT
TO TAKE A NAP AND CUDDLE.
>> COME ON. GET UP AND LET´S GO!
>> OH, YOU GO. I´M ALL SNUGGLED
UP HERE.
IT´S PATHETIC PICKING
OUT A TREE BY YOURSELF.
WE USED TO ALWAYS DO IT
TOGETHER, THE 3 OF US, REMEMBER?
>> YEAH, I KNOW, I KNOW.
THAT WAS 20 YEARS AGO.
NOW WE DO THINGS BY OURSELVES,
LIKE, TIE OUR SHOELACES AND PICK
UP TREES.
>> FINE. I´LL CALL JULIA.
SEE IF SHE´LL COME.
[CELL PHONE RINGING]
WHY IS HER PHONE HERE?
>> I DON´T KNOW. I GUESS I MUST
HAVE PICKED IT OUT BY MISTAKE
WHEN WE PLAYED SECRET SANTA.
>> ALL RIGHT. I´LL GO BY MYSELF.
IF I HEAR ONE WORD ABOUT THE
SIZE OR SHAPE.
>> I´M NOT ONE OF YOUR
GIRLFRIENDS, SEAN.
[DOOR CLOSES]
>> THAT WAS FUN. LET´S NEVER DO
THAT AGAIN.
HAVE YOU SEEN MY OTHER SHOE?
>> UH...
THERE YOU GO.
WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
>> WHERE I SHOULD HAVE GONE
INSTEAD OF COMING HERE.
TO TALK TO KIMBER.
>> YOU SURE YOU´LL COME OUT
ALIVE?
>> I DON´T KNOW, BUT I HAVE
TO TRY.
I MEAN, THE FACT IS, IF I CAN
AVOID HURTING SEAN AND OLIVIA,
I WILL.
BUT I´M NOT GOING TO HAVE MY SON
WAKE UP AND FEEL THAT EVERYONE
IN HIS LIFE HAS DESERTED HIM.
>> YOU KNOW WHAT? I´M COMING
WITH YOU.
AH. TAKES AT LEAST 2 TO TANGO
WITH KIMBER, PREFERABLY 8.
ONE FOR EACH TENTACLE.
>> ♫ O CHRISTMAS TREE
O CHRISTMAS TREE
THY LEAVES ARE NEVER CHANGING
O CHRISTMAS TREE
THY LEAVES ARE NEVER CHANGING
THEY ALL ARE GREEN
WHEN SUMMER´S HERE
THEY ALL ARE GREEN
WHEN WINTER´S HERE
O CHRISTMAS TREE
THEY LEAVES ARE NEVER CHANGING
O CHRISTMAS TREE
O CHRISTMAS TREE...♫
>> GO AWAY!
BAH HUMBUG.
>> EBENEZER CRUZ, WHERE´S
YOUR CHRISTMAS SPIRIT?
>> OH, I LOVE THAT OUR SAVIOR
WAS BORN. I JUST HATE THE PARTY
WE THROW AND THE MUSIC.
I MEAN, TAKE A LOOK AT THIS GUY.
GETTING PLUGGED BY A 10-YEAR-OLD
BECAUSE HE DIDN´T GET A
NINTENDO. PEOPLE GO BROKE,
THEY EAT TOO MUCH, SPEND IT
ALONE--
>> OH, COME ON, LIZ. AFTER ALL
THESE YEARS, YOU STILL NEED
AN ENGRAVED INVITATION?
YOU´RE SPENDING THE DAY WITH US,
JUST LIKE YOU DO EVERY
CHRISTMAS. YOU, TOO, LINDA.
>> CAN´T. I´M GOLFING.
>> IT WON´T BE THE SAME WITHOUT
YOU. WE´RE HAVING EVERYBODY
OVER. JULIE´S COMING.
AND OLIVIA.
>> I DON´T THINK I CAN MAKE IT
EITHER.
>> ARE YOU STILL PISSED ABOUT
WHAT HAPPENED WITH JULIA?
>> I WISH THAT I WERE A BETTER
PERSON, SEAN. BUT MAYBE WE BOTH
CAN LEARN A LESSON IN
FORGIVENESS FROM SANTA.
>> SO YOU THINK DUKE HERE DID
THE RIGHT THING BY FORGIVING
THE KID THAT SHOT HIM.
THAT THE PUNK´S GOING TO
SUDDENLY SEE THE LIGHT AND GO
STRAIGHT? WHAT MOVIE ARE YOU
LIVING IN?
"IT´S A WONDERFUL LIFE"?
SHOULD HAVE PRESSED CHARGES AND
LOCKED THAT KID UP, SO NO ONE
ELSE WOULD WIND UP WITH A HOLE
IN THEIR FACE.
>> IT´S ABOUT LOVE, SEAN.
IT´S ABOUT GRACE.
>> MR. MCNAMARA, ARE YOU ASLEEP?
YOU´VE BEEN ASLEEP THE LAST
4 TIMES I´VE COME TO VISIT.
5´S MY LIMIT. I WON´T BE BACK
AGAIN.
MR. MCNAMARA, PERSONS SUFFERING
DISFIGUREMENT FROM A TRAUMATIC
EVENT HAVE TO LEARN HOW TO
RECREATE THEMSELVES,
TO ADAPT TO NEW BODY IMAGES.
>> LOOK, LADY, MY DAD´S
A PLASTIC SURGEON, OK?
I´M GOING TO BE FINE, SO TRY
RECREATING SOMEONE ELSE.
>> I DON´T USUALLY FORCE MY
SERVICES ON UNWILLING PATIENTS.
THE RESULTS ARE RARELY
SUCCESSFUL.
HOWEVER, AFTER READING YOUR
MEDICAL HISTORY, I THINK YOU´RE
DEFINITELY IN NEED OF SOME
RECREATION. YOU TESTED DIRTY
FOR METH. I´M RACHEL BEN-NATAN,
YOUR BURN REHABILITATION
COUNSELOR. I´M HERE TO ASSIST
YOU.
>> HOW DID IT HAPPEN?
>> IT WAS A FALAFEL ATTACK.
YOU KNOW, THOSE PITA SANDWICHES?
I JUST HAD TO HAVE ONE. SO I
WENT TO THE UNIVERSITY
CAFETERIA, I SAT DOWN ACROSS THE
TABLE FROM A VERY HANDSOME BOY.
I WAS QUITE BEAUTIFUL. I COULD
ALWAYS GET ANYONE I WANTED.
WHEN HE TURNED AWAY, I JUST
ASSUMED HE WAS GAY AND WENT BACK
TO MY FALAFEL. I WAS JUST ABOUT
TO TAKE THE FIRST BITE WHEN HE
BLEW HIMSELF UP.
7 STUDENTS DIED. THERE WAS BLOOD
AND BODY PARTS, AND PIECES OF
FLESH EVERYWHERE. I DON´T KNOW
HOW I SURVIVED. I WAS VERY
LUCKY.
>> YOU THINK YOU WERE LUCKY?
>> WELL, I´VE LOST MY TASTE FOR
FALAFEL, BUT I STILL HAVE MY
LIFE. HAVE YOU WALKED THE
HALLWAYS TODAY?
>> NO. IT STILL HURTS.
>> IT WILL HURT MORE IF YOU
DON´T.
>> WHAT IF I SAY NO?
>> TRY IT AND SEE. I SHOULD WARN
YOU THOUGH, I SPENT 2 YEARS IN
THE ISRAELI ARMY.
>> OK.
[LOUD MUSIC PLAYING]
>> AND MERRY CHRISTMAS TO THE
BIGGEST DICK IN TOWN.
KEEP IT UP, DANNY BOY.
>> HA HA! HOW ABOUT THAT, UH?
ALL RIGHT, GO ON WITH YOUR
BUSINESS. WE´LL HAVE A LITTLE
SWINGING.
SO, WHO´S THE OVER-40 CROWD?
>> NO ONE. JUST SOME GHOSTS FROM
CHRISTMAS PAST.
JUST STAY CLOSE, ´CAUSE
I MIGHT NEED YOU.
MERRY CHRISTMAS, JULIA.
WOULD YOU LIKE TO HOLD BABY
JENNA?
>> YEAH. MAY I?
>> NO. YOU MAY NOT.
>> EMILY, TAKE JENNA TO DAYCARE.
>> OH, SO I TAKE IT YOU 2 ARE
MATTIE´S PARENTS. I PROMISE YOU
THAT YOUR GRANDDAUGHTER WILL GET
EVERYTHING THAT MONEY CAN BUY.
>> GREAT. SO SHE CAN GROW UP TO
BE JUST LIKE HER MOMMY.
>> OH, I DON´T THINK WE SHOULD
HOPE FOR MIRACLES, DO YOU?
WOULDN´T WANT TO PRESSURE THE
CHILD.
>> RAM´S GOING TO MARRY ME, AND
THEN HE´S GOING TO LEGALLY ADOPT
JENNA ONCE WE BOTH GET DIVORCED.
>> WELL, THAT´S WHY WE CAME,
KIMBER, BECAUSE WE THOUGHT YOU´D
LIKE TO KNOW MATT´S HAD AN
ACCIDENT. HE´S IN THE HOSPITAL
AND HE´S BEEN BADLY BURNED.
>> MAKING METH, RIGHT?
WELL, THANK GOD JENNA WAS WITH
ME.
>> YOU´RE NOT FIT TO BE NEAR
THAT CHILD, KIMBER, AND YOU KNOW
IT.
>> OH, WHAT? YOU´RE A GOOD
MOTHER, WHY? BECAUSE YOU WENT
TO COLLEGE? OR IS IT BECAUSE
YOU´VE NEVER HAD TO WORK A DAY
IN YOUR LIFE?
>> BECAUSE I WAS BUSY RAISING
A FAMILY.
>> YEAH. YOU WERE LOUSY AT IT.
>> YOU ROBBED HIM OF EVERYTHING,
KIMBER. HIS IDENTITY, HIS MONEY,
HIS FUTURE. YOU´RE NOT GOING TO
ROB HIM OF HIS CHILD.
>> DON´T YOU THINK THAT THE
LITTLE GIRL IS GOING TO BE
A LITTLE BIT BETTER OFF WITH
KIMBER AND ME, RATHER THAN SOME
PUNK WHO IS WILLING TO BE FILMED
TAKING IT UP THE ASS SO HE CAN
SCORE A LITTLE BIT MORE BOO-YAH?
>> THAT´S MY SON, YOU
DICK-SUCKING PIMP.
>> DIDN´T YOU GUYS KNOW THAT
MATT WORKED HERE? OH, YEAH.
RAM CAST HIM IN "FIRST TIME
FAIRIES."
AS A BOTTOM.
>> STOP IT, KIMBER.
YOU´RE LYING.
>> IT´S THE ONLY THING SHE´S
GOOD AT, EXCEPT FOR SPREADING
HER LEGS.
>> YEAH. WELL, MY DAUGHTER´S
GOING TO HAVE EVERYTHING.
SHE´S GOING TO HAVE DESIGNER
CLOTHES, GOURMET FOOD, AND 2
PARENTS WHO LOVE HER.
WHAT´S MATT GOING TO GIVE HER?
DRUGS? SO STOP TRYING TO RESCUE
MY CHILD WHEN YOU CAN´T SAVE
YOUR OWN. COULD YOU PLEASE
ESCORT THESE GRANDPARENTS OUT
OF HERE?
>> HEY! MERRY CHRISTMAS.
>> ♫ CHOCOLATE CAKES
AND BUTTER CAKES
AND CAKES WITH LOTS OF SPICE
LAYERED CAKES AND ANGEL CAKES
I THINK OF EVERY NIGHT
BUT WHEN IT COMES TO
CHRISTMAS TIME
CAN ANYONE DISPUTE?
THAT WHEN YOU BAKE
A CHRISTMAS CAKE
IT REALLY SHOULD BE
SURELY GOOD, YES IT WOULD BE
POSITIVELY ABSOLUTELY MOSTLY
MADE WITH FRUIT
CINNAMON, CINNAMON
DON´T FORGET THE CINNAMON
A PERFECT SPICE
WILL MAKE IT NICE
BUT DON´T FORGET THE CINNAMON
CINNAMON, CINNAMON
DON´T FORGET THE CINNAMON
PERFECT SPICE WILL MAKE IT NICE
BUT DON´T FORGET THE CINNAMON
HAVE A BITE OF
FRUITCAKE
MMM... ♫
>> HI, JULIA.
I MADE SOME FRUITCAKE.
IT´S A RECIPE FROM ONE OF
MY MOM´S EX´S.
SHE WAS A REAL BITCH, BUT
A DYNAMITE PASTRY CHEF.
>> OH, AT LEAST THERE WAS
SOMETHING YOU LIKED ABOUT HER.
>> I MADE IT FOR YOU.
IT´S SORT OF A PEACE OFFERING.
>> HA HA. YOU WANT PEACE, EDEN?
IT´S GOING TO TAKE A LOT
MORE THAN A FRUITCAKE AFTER WHAT
YOU´VE DONE.
>> YOU HAVE EVERY REASON TO HATE
ME, JULIA. MY BEING WITH SEAN
WAS INEXCUSABLE. SOME SORT OF
ACTING OUT, I GUESS.
I REALLY SHOULD BE BACK IN
THERAPY. MY ANGER TOWARDS YOU--
I FEEL TERRIBLE ABOUT THE WAY
I´VE BEHAVED.
LOOK...YOU LOVE MY MOM, MY MOM
LOVES YOU.
I´VE NEVER HAD A REAL FAMILY.
MAYBE THIS COULD BE ONE.
>> I USED TO LOVE FRUITCAKE WHEN
I WAS A GIRL.
IT´S SO FATTENING.
>> ONE BITE WON´T HURT.
>> WHAT ARE YOU DOING FOR
CHRISTMAS?
>> NOTHING REALLY. I MAY JUST GO
TO THE MOVIES OR SOMETHING.
I KNOW MOM´S GOING TO BE WITH
YOU. IT´S OK.
>> WHY DON´T YOU JOIN US?
>> THAT´S REALLY KIND OF YOU,
JULIA, BUT I DON´T THINK SEAN
WOULD APPRECIATE MY BEING THERE.
>> OH, I DON´T KNOW. YOU KNOW,
IT MIGHT HELP HIM.
FORGIVE AND MOVE ON.
>> I´D LOVE TO COME.
>> OK.
>> IT´S DELICIOUS. MMM...
THIS IS WHAT I REMEMBER ABOUT
FRUITCAKE--ONCE YOU START, IT´S
HARD TO STOP.
>> HA HA.
WELL, I´LL SAVE THE REST FOR
LATER. YOU CAN HAVE IT WHENEVER
YOU WANT.
MOM DOESN´T REALLY LIKE IT
ANYWAY, SO...
IT´S ALL YOURS.
>> JUST A FEW MORE STEPS,
MR. MCNAMARA.
>> ARE ALL ISRAELI WOMEN THIS--
>> PUSHY? YES. IT´S GENETIC.
AT EASE, SOLDIER.
>> SO HOW LONG DID YOU TRAIN
FOR?
>> NOT LONG. WOMEN ARE NOT
REALLY EXPECTED TO FIGHT.
THANK GOD.
>> DIDN´T YOU WANT TO DEFEND
YOUR COUNTRY?
>> WHAT I WANTED WAS TO FIND
A HUSBAND.
ALL THOSE HANDSOME, HARD BODIES
IN UNIFORM, TANNED AND
SEX-STARVED FROM THE DESERT.
>> SO AFTER THE ARMY YOU WENT
TO UNIVERSITY TO STUDY
PSYCHOLOGY.
>> NO. TO FIND A HUSBAND.
>> HA HA HA.
>> HEY, MATTIE.
IS THIS A BAD TIME?
>> WE WERE JUST FINISHING.
REST UP. TOMORROW WE´RE GOING
TO DO TWICE AROUND THE FLOOR.
>> NO, RACHEL. STAY, PLEASE.
GUYS, THIS IS RACHEL BEN-NATAN,
MY COUNSELOR AND TORTURER.
THIS IS MY MOTHER JULIA MCNAMARA
AND ONE OF MY FATHERS CHRISTIAN
TROY.
>> MATTIE HAS 2 DADDIES.
NICE TO MEET YOU.
>> HOW NICE FOR YOU.
>> YEAH, IT´S GOOD FUN.
>> I--WE´VE BEEN TO SEE KIMBER.
>> HOW´S JENNA? IS SHE ALL
RIGHT?
>> KIMBER WANTS TO KEEP JENNA,
MATT.
>> I JUST NEED SOMETIME WITH HER
TO TALK, SHOW HER I´VE CHANGED.
>> APPARENTLY SHE´S FILING FOR
DIVORCE, SHE´S GETTING MARRIED
TO RAM, AND THEY HAVE A PRETTY
GOOD CASE AGAINST YOU EVER
GETTING CUSTODY.
>> NO, I´M GONNA FIGHT FOR HER.
SHE BELONGS WITH ME.
>> DO YOU REALLY THINK THAT
YOU´RE CAPABLE OF TAKING CARE
OF A CHILD? SHE CAN´T WAIT FOR
YOU TO GROW UP.
>> THANKS. FIRST DAD AND NOW
YOU. ANYONE ELSE WANTS TO THROW
IN THE TOWEL?
>> OH, MATTIE, COME ON. DO YOU
REALLY THINK THAT ANY JUDGE IN
HIS RIGHT MIND WOULD GIVE YOU
CUSTODY? SERIOUSLY!
>> WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU
PEOPLE? MATT, LISTEN TO ME.
YOU WANT YOUR CHILD BACK?
EITHER FIND A WAY OR MAKE A WAY.
AND STOP LOOKING TO YOUR PARENTS
TO RESCUE YOU.
>> I´LL BE RIGHT BACK. AHEM.
>> OH...
>> ARE YOU OK?
>> OH, YEAH YEAH. REALLY.
JUST TIRED. FEELING A LITTLE LOW
AND OVERWHELMED WITH EVERYTHING
THAT´S BEEN GOING ON.
>> EXCUSE ME, MISS.
>> I´M NOT GOING TO APOLOGIZE.
I MEANT EVERY WORD I SAID.
>> WAS THAT TOUGH LOVE?
>> HONESTY. TRY IT.
>> LOOK, I´M A PLASTIC SURGEON.
I KNOW YOU DON´T MAKE MUCH AS
A BURN COUNSELOR. I´D BE HAPPY
TO OFFER MY SERVICES FOR FREE.
>> WHY? IS THERE SOMETHING YOU
THINK I SHOULD HAVE DONE?
>> WELL, SINCE HONESTY IS THE
WORD OF THE DAY, I COULD MAKE
A SERIES OF SKIN GRAFTS, I COULD
RESTRUCTURE YOUR BONE LINE.
>> YOU COULD MAKE ME BEAUTIFUL
AGAIN. THANK YOU, DOCTOR, BUT
NO. YOU MIGHT FIND THIS HARD TO
BELIEVE, BUT I´M QUITE HAPPY
AS I AM.
>> A MARTYR?
>> A SURVIVOR. A LIVING EXAMPLE
OF WHAT PEOPLE CAN GO THROUGH
AND SURVIVE.
>> ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
>> YEAH.
>> YOU LOOK A LITTLE PALE.
>> I´M PROBABLY GETTING A BUG
THAT´S GOING AROUND OR
SOMETHING.
>> HERE THEY ARE. I CAN´T
BELIEVE I FOUND THEM.
WHAT´S GOING ON?
>> WHAT? OH, NOTHING. I MUST
HAVE GOTTEN UP TOO QUICKLY.
OH, THOSE PICTURES ARE FRESHMAN
YEAR!
>> CHRISTMAS EVE BEFORE AND
AFTER THE TREE CAUGHT ON FIRE.
>> YOU GUYS GO AHEAD AND LAUGH.
YOU DIDN´T SUFFER PROPERTY
DAMAGE, RIGHT? THOSE "PENTHOUSE"
MAGAZINES WERE VINTAGE.
IRREPLACEABLE.
>> OH...
>> OK, THANK YOU.
[CELL PHONE RINGING]
>> HELLO.
YEAH, YEAH. WELL, WE WERE JUST
GOING TO DO OUR SECRET SANTA
THING. OK, WELL, I COULD MEET
YOU LATER.
OK. YEAH. BYE.
AH, THAT WAS OLIVIA. WE´RE
HAVING DINNER LATER.
>> I SEE YOU GOT YOUR PHONE
BACK.
>> WHAT?
OH, YEAH. GOD, I´VE BEEN LEAVING
THINGS ALL OVER THE PLACE
LATELY. SO, WHO´S GOING TO GO
FIRST?
>> I WILL.
>> ALTHOUGH I DON´T KNOW IF WE
CAN TOP LAST YEAR´S "I LOVE MY
DICK" PICTURE FRAME.
>> THAT WAS GOOD, HUH?
>> AHH. THANK YOU, SANTA.
OK. GREAT PAPER.
"MCNAMARA/TROY. PUT YOUR TITS
IN OUR HANDS."
>> I THOUGHT THAT WORKED FOR
80% OF OUR CLIENTS.
>> DOESN´T GET BETTER THAN THAT,
DOES IT?
>> MY TURN.
MMM...EDIBLE UNDIES. HILARIOUS.
>> DESSERT FOR OLIVIA.
VERY FUNNY.
>> OOH. I HAVE ANOTHER ONE.
>> HEY, YOU´RE NOT SUPPOSED TO
GO OVER, REMEMBER?
>> YOU KNOW...
>> MAKE US LOOK CHEAP.
>> OH, THEY´RE BEAUTIFUL.
>> IT´S NOT LIKE THEY´RE
EXPENSIVE OR ANYTHING.
IT´S JUST--I DON´T KNOW, I SAW
THEM, I THOUGHT THEY´D LOOK GOOD
ON HER, AND I GOT THEM.
I THOUGHT THEY´D LOOK GOOD WITH
YOUR EYES.
>> THANK YOU, CHRISTIAN.
YOU SHOULDN´T HAVE.
>> YOU GUYS ARE SCREWING EACH
OTHER.
>> SEAN, I JUST BOUGHT HER
SOME EARRINGS.
>> THE PHONE, THE TOUCHING...
HA HA HA. AM I STUPID.
>> NOBODY´S STUPID.
YOU SHOULDN´T--
>> WHAT? TAKE IT PERSONALLY?
LET IT BOTHER ME.
SHE´S NOT MY WIFE ANYMORE,
WHO GIVES A SHIT?
HOW LONG?
>> SEAN, I´M SORRY.
IT JUST HAPPENED.
>> WHEN WERE YOU GONNA TELL ME?
HUH? CHRISTMAS DAY?
NEW YEARS? OR DID YOU JUST WANT
ME TO CATCH YOU IN THE ACT WHEN
I CAME HOME EARLY BY MISTAKE?
YOU WERE THERE THAT DAY.
WHEN THE PHONE--
WHAT DID YOU DO, HIDE UNDER
THE BED?
>> IN THE CLOSET.
>> JESUS.
>> SEAN, YOU KNOW, I AM SORRY
AND WE WANTED TO TELL YOU, BUT--
WELL, I JUST WANTED TO WAIT
´TILL AFTER THE HOLIDAYS.
>> RIGHT. RIGHT.
WERE YOU GONNA SIT ME AND OLI
DOWN AND GIVE US THE GOOD NEWS
AT THE SAME TIME?
>> WHAT THE HELL IS THE
DIFFERENCE? I MEAN, SERIOUSLY.
LOOK, I KNOW IT´S DIFFICULT, BUT
YOU´RE NOT TOGETHER NOW ANYWAY.
IT´S NOT LIKE WE´RE CHEATING
ON YOU.
>> YOU´RE SUCH A CLUELESS PIECE
OF SHIT!
>> WE LOVE EACH OTHER, SEAN.
[CHRISTMAS SONG]
[TEAKETTLE WHISTLING]
>> YOU LEFT EARLY THIS MORNING.
>> I DIDN´T FIGURE THERE WAS ANY
POINT IN STAYING IN BED IF I
WASN´T SLEEPING.
I´LL SAY ONE THING FOR LEAVING
THE HOUSE BEFORE 5:00.
THERE´S NO TRAFFIC.
>> LOOK, WE´VE BEEN THROUGH
ENOUGH OVER THE YEARS TO SPLIT
US APART AND THEN SOME.
BUT SOMEHOW, WE ALWAYS END UP
BACK TOGETHER. I CAN´T IMAGINE
ANYTHING IN THE WORLD THAT COULD
CHANGE THAT EXCEPT MAYBE JULIA.
SO, I WON´T SEE HER IF IT MEANS
THAT MUCH TO YOU.
OH, COME ON. IT´S NOT LIKE
YOU´RE MR. CELIBATE PINING AWAY
WAITING FOR HER.
>> WHY DIDN´T YOU JUST GO TO
NEW YORK AND SLEEP WITH HER
THERE? OR DID YOU HAVE TO FOLLOW
ME OUT HERE AND DO IT UNDER MY
NOSE BECAUSE THAT´S THE ONLY WAY
YOU CAN REALLY GET OFF?
>> WE´RE NOT DOING IT TO CAUSE
YOU ANY PAIN, ALL RIGHT?
WE´RE DOING IT TO SEE IF FINALLY
IT FEELS RIGHT. BUT...
I WON´T DO IT WITHOUT YOUR
BLESSING.
>> I DON´T KNOW IF I CAN GIVE IT
TO YOU.
GIVE YOU MY BLESSING.
I JUST DON´T KNOW.
>> IT LOOKS GOOD, DOC.
NOW I CAN LOOK AT MY FACE
WITHOUT SEEING THAT KID, THE
GUN.
>> WELL, SANTA YOU´RE A BETTER
MAN THAN I AM.
>> THEN YOU MUST BE ONE HELL OF
A SCUMBAG.
>> EXCUSE ME. I´M IN A PRIVATE
CONSULTATION WITH A PATIENT.
>> GO ON. TELL HIM.
DON´T BE AFRAID. JUST SAY IT.
>> I´M SORRY, DADDY.
I´M SORRY I SHOT YOU.
>> YOU DID IT, HONEY.
YOU TURNED THE OTHER CHEEK.
HONEY, GO WAIT IN THE LOBBY.
I´LL BE OUT IN A SECOND.
>> YOUR SON IS THE ONE WHO
SHOT YOU?
>> IT´S A LONG STORY, DOC.
HOW DID YOU FIND ME, NANCY?
>> I FOLLOWED THE MONEY, LIKE
I ALWAYS DO. I WENT TO GET BACK
PAYMENT FROM THE COURT ACCOUNT,
AND THEY SAID THAT SOME EX-PARTY
MOTION HAD BEEN GRANTED FOR SOME
EMERGENCY SURGERY?
IT´S NOT YOUR MONEY, DUKE.
IT´S HIS!
>> YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN STRAIGHT
WITH US BEFORE THE SURGERY.
I WANT YOU OUT NOW.
>> COME ON, MAN. THE LITTLE
BASTARD SHOOTS ME AND SHE COMES
AFTER ME FOR CHILD SUPPORT?
>> I AM STILL WAITING FOR THAT
APOLOGY, DUKE.
"I´M SORRY, SON, FOR ABANDONING
"YOU, FOR GIVING UP ON YOU, FOR
"PRETENDING THAT YOU DON´T EVEN
EXIST!"
>> ♫ DECK THE HALLS WITH
BOUGHS OF HOLLY
FA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA
´TIS THE SEASON TO BE JOLLY... ♫
>> GO AWAY!
>> YOU PUT THAT GUN IN HIS HAND
AND YOU COCKED IT. ALL HE HAD TO
DO WAS PULL THE TRIGGER.
LIKE THIS.
>> ♫ FROSTY THE SNOWMAN
HE´S A FAIRY TALE THEY SAY
HE WAS MADE OF SNOW
BUT THE CHILDREN KNOW
HOW HE CAME TO LIFE ONE DAY
THERE MUST HAVE BEEN SOME MAGIC
IN THAT OLD TOP HAT THEY FOUND
FOR WHEN THEY PLACED IT ON
HIS HEAD HE BEGAN TO
DANCE AROUND
FROSTY THE SNOWMAN
HAD TO HURRY ON HIS WAY
BUT HE WAVED GOOD-BYE
SAYING DON´T YOU CRY
I´LL BE BACK AGAIN SOMEDAY ♫
>> YOU NEED A HAND WITH THAT?
>> NO. I HAVE 2 GOOD ONES OF
MY OWN.
>> I CAME TO ASK YOU TO COME
HOME. SPEND CHRISTMAS WITH
YOUR FAMILY.
>> THANKS. IT´S OK.
I MADE PLANS.
>> YOU KNOW, WHEN MY DAD LEFT,
I THOUGHT I KNEW HOW TO DEAL
WITH IT. HE WROTE ME OFF, I´D
WRITE HIM OFF SON OF A BITCH.
I THOUGHT I HAD IT PRETTY UNDER
CONTROL. THE HURT, THE
LONELINESS, THE ANGER.
I´M JUST REPLAYING IT BY DOING
TO YOU WHAT HE DID TO ME.
>> LOOK, DAD, I DON´T HOLD IT--
>> HE COULDN´T HELP IT.
HE COULDN´T BE DIFFERENT WITH ME
BECAUSE OF HOW HIS FATHER WAS
WITH HIM. WE´RE JUST PASSING THE
SAME SHIT ON AND ON AND ON.
AND I JUST WANT IT--I WANT IT
TO STOP.
HERE.
>> WHAT´S THIS?
>> SOMETHING HE LEFT ME BEFORE
HE LEFT ME. HE SAID IT WAS A BOX
FOR ME TO PUT MY DREAMS IN.
I JUST FIGURED IT WAS USELESS.
THE ONLY DREAM I HAD WAS SEEING
HIM AGAIN. BUT I HAVE ANOTHER
ONE.
FOR YOU TO FORGIVE ME.
I DON´T WANT TO GIVE UP
ON YOU, MAN. I DON´T WANT YOU
TO GIVE UP ON ME.
>> YOU KEEP THIS. THIS IS FOR
YOUR DREAMS.
I´VE GOT TO FIND MY OWN.
ALL I KNOW RIGHT NOW IS THAT I´M
NEVER GONNA BE A MAN OR A
DECENT FATHER UNTIL I STOP BEING
YOUR CHILD.
>> I´D STILL LOVE FOR YOU TO
SPEND CHRISTMAS WITH ME.
WITH US.
BE AROUND PEOPLE WHO LOVE YOU.
>> I´M SPENDING IT WITH RACHEL.
IF I CAN´T BE WITH JENNA ON
CHRISTMAS, I FIGURE SPENDING IT
WITH RACHEL AND HER KIDS MIGHT
TAKE THE STING OUT A LITTLE,
YOU KNOW?
>> SHE´S GOT KIDS?
>> 24 OF THEM. ALL IN THE
PEDIATRIC BURN UNIT.
IT´S GOOD SEEING YOU, DAD.
MERRY CHRISTMAS.
>> ♫ SILENT NIGHT
HOLY NIGHT
ALL IS CALM
ALL IS BRIGHT
ROUND YOU VIRGIN MOTHER
AND CHILD
HOLY INFANT SO TENDER AND MILD
SLEEP IN HEAVENLY PEACE
SILENT NIGHT... ♫
>> I´M GLAD YOU RECONSIDERED.
MATT COMING?
>> NO. MAYBE NEXT CHRISTMAS.
>> OK. NOW, DO YOU FEEL LIKE
A HOLIDAY MARTINI?
IT´S LIKE AN EVERYDAY MARTINI
JUST WITH A LOT MORE VODKA.
>> HEY, THANK YOU FOR COMING.
AH...IT WOULDN´T BE THE SAME
WITHOUT YOU. I KNOW HOW HARD
THIS MUST BE FOR YOU.
>> NOT BEING HERE WOULD BE
EVEN HARDER.
>> HERE WE GO.
CHEERS.
>> ♫ SILENT NIGHT
HOLY NIGHT
SON OF GOD´S PURE LIGHT
RADIANT BEAMS FROM THY HOLY FACE
WITH THE DAWN OF REDEEMING GRACE
JESUS, LORD AT THY BIRTH
JESUS, LORD AT THY BIRTH ♫